I wouldn't wish gender dysphoria on my worst enemy. To know day in and day out that your brain and body don't match up, and that to try and go about life the way you feel comfortable means non-stop judgment left and right, fearful and sickened looks, sneers and the loss of family and friends is simply put, a living-nightmare from the moment you're born that doesn't end until the moment you die.
I don't fucking get it. What the fuck is so hard to understand? It should be no harder to wrap your head around than homosexuality or bisexuality. People who just fail to "understand" it are ignorant, prejudice-harboring pieces of shit in my opinion. Maybe I am speaking out of hurt, heartbreak, anger or my own fears because I am officially without a mother, a father, a stepfather, a sister, a cousin, aunt, uncle or fucking grandparent in the world to turn to for a single word of encouragement or for even as little as a single roll of fucking toilet paper, but that's how I feel and I stand by it.
If you can accept two people of the same gender fucking and/or getting married, you should be able to also wrap your precious little brain around, understand and accept that the brain's inherent gender-identity and the body's assigned sexual anatomy at birth don't always necessarily match up, the same way that sometimes the brain's inherent sense of sexual attraction and the body's assigned gender at birth don't always match up. Why would I choose this for myself? Why would I or anyone else put ourselves through this? It kills me every day, and I have to re-reconcile with the fact everyday of my life that I missed out on growing up female. I will never be naturally referred to as a girl, a woman or with the proper accompanying pronouns either.
People who treat me as a woman won't ever do it naturally, but out of a sense of moral obligation if ever at all. I will always be a social pariah within certain circles, and to some degree always discriminated against, hated, have death wished upon me and worse. My body will never naturally produce estrogen which tears me the fuck apart too. I'll never, EVER, no matter what I do, ever in anyway be a natural woman. I'll have to take hormones forever and this entire thing will cost me over $50,000 by the end of it all. I have just been disowned by my entire family, I am in college full-time (and struggling), I have like $40 in the bank, I'm on disability and have a shit job.
As many problems as I have outside of my gender dysphoria, I would probably have none of them if I were born the gender I have always felt inside. To feel one way and have a reflection in the mirror that not only feels nothing like you on the inside, but is also the complete and total opposite gender, which determines your place in society, how you are treated and accepted throughout the course of your entire life is completely and utterly debilitating, disheartening, and leaves me feeling absolutely empty, hopeless, disillusioned, misunderstood and alone.
Anyone who doesn't even take the time to try and understand that before judging others, especially people within their own family or who at one time happened to be one of their closest friends are thoughtless, vile creatures and they will always hold a special place in my heart right next to the old shit-covered truck-stop bathroom stall that houses my feelings for the Westboro Baptist Church and others like it.
How nice it would be to not wake up tomorrow...
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