Wednesday, February 18, 2015

My pledge to the future

I refuse to allow my new-found unemployment to degrade me back to the shriveled up bed-ridden piece of garbage I was just a short time ago. I will not disappoint those who care about me or allow their suspicions (should they have any) to become truths. Part of me, of course is breathing a much-needed sigh of relief that my work assignment at Maximus is over. I say this with all seriousness and no exaggeration: I cannot imagine anyone I know, given the opportunity to listen in on what the calls we took in that call center, accepting a job there voluntarily. But I will rebound from this, and it will not take 7-8 months like it did last time. I will fill out applications, I will consult multiple sources, I will make phone calls, I will email resumes, I will seek out interviews aggressively, and in between I will make use of my gym, read my book Jen got for me, and WORK ON MY OWN WRITING for real this time. The ideas are flowing again.

Be positive, Dan. For yourself. Good things happen when you think positively. AND, you're more fun

Sunday, February 1, 2015

I am going to die alone

I am such a fuck up. I am such a stain. All I do is cry like a little girl. I am a master of ruining important moments. I chase everyone who loves me away. I'll never be happy. I never think before I say or do anything. All I want to do is find a gas stove, blow out the flame, turn up the gas and light a match. These tears are falling so hard and fast I think the computer might short out. I don't want to be alone right now; I wish she were here to hold me. I can't even read what I'm typing anymore. I wish she would call or knock on the door.