When?

When it will it stop hurting? 

When will the clouds clear the diamond encrusted sky?

When will it stop hurting?

When will enough time of gone by?

I see the happy people as they all walk by

Living their lives with smiles on their faces

Not wishing the dirty film coating their minds would wither and die

Happy and going about their business enjoying what is offered by so many places

I pray to the God that doesn't exist

Will He answer the prays on a cracked and dirty platter?

Only for Him to show me my life and dreams never really mattered

The scum of the Earth walk hand in hand with me into the dark and drippy caverns

When will it stop hurting?

When will the tears of unrequited love stop falling?

When will it stop hurting?

When will the head atop my hallowed shell stop bawling?

I look up and all I see is you

I look side to side and all I see is the truth

That you are gone and never coming back

Never have I seen so many screws left loose

 

 When it will it stop hurting? 

When will the clouds clear the diamond encrusted sky?

When will it stop hurting?

When will enough time of gone by?

 

Dreams

I wish I could control what I see and feel in my dreams, especially as of late being that every single night as of late my dreams have been extremely vivid and have felt extremely real. I don't know why they are so clear and memorable now, but it is causing me great pain, especially this morning.

I continue to push forward as best I can. I continue to work on school as best I can. I continue to try and move on with my life as best I can. I continue to try to distract myself as best I can.

There seems to be no cure for heartache however, and there seems to be no cure for these undying feelings of love and devotion. Everything I see reminds me of her, God I wish I didn't care anymore.

It is the only way forward.

What the fuck did I do to her? I don't get it. I am lost. The second she went on that trip she cut off all contact and blocked me out of her life in every possible way. I don't get it. I am lost. I am crushed. I am heartbroken. I just want to know why. It's cruel. It hurts. And I can't think about anything else. I would do anything for this girl on any day. All that comes to mind that is anyway comforting is this quote from Jerry Seinfeld: "The best revenge is living well."

I guess that's what I'll have to do. It is the only way forward.

No title necessary

"Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back. And never moving forward so there'd never be a past."

Fuck you.

Heart breaking again

I wanted Jenn to have a good time at DragonCon and still do. I understand this is something she has been looking forward to for at least ten years, I knew she was meeting a friend there, that she would be busy and not really have time to talk.

But I did not see this coming. Why is she ignoring me? Why did she remove me on Facebook and block me on kik? What could I have possibly done to her now? I am 100% devoted to this girl. She is all I want. My heart is aching and I want to understand what is happening. I love her to no end and this is killing me yet again.

I am far from perfect, but I don't deserve this.