Monday, June 26, 2017

A Moment to Reflect

"I cannot compromise my respect for your love. You can keep your love, I will keep my respect."

"It was one thing to make a mistake; it was another thing to keep making it. I knew what happened when you let yourself get close to someone, when you started to believe they loved you: you'd be disappointed. Depend on someone, and you might as well admit you're going to be crushed, because when you really needed them, they wouldn't be there. Either that, or you'd confide in them and you added to their problems. All you ever really had was yourself, and that sort of sucked if you were less than reliable."

"If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate."

"Love is the sister to Truth, but they differ in two ways. You must go to Truth to find her. She will never come looking for you. However, you are never to go looking for her sister Love. Love will find you in your own divine timing, when you are ready for her. So don't look, she will come. She always does."

"You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles."

"Sleep is my lover now, my forgetting, my opiate, my oblivion."

"Most things are forgotten over time. Even the war itself, the life-and-death struggle people went through is now like something from the distant past. We’re so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past are no longer in orbit around our minds. There are just too many things we have to think about everyday, too many new things we have to learn. But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone."

"If you truly want to be respected by people you love, you must prove to them that you can survive without them."

"We cannot decide to love. We cannot compel anyone to love us. There's no secret recipe, only love itself. And we are at its mercy--there's nothing we can do."

"I’ve dreamed a lot. I’m tired now from dreaming but not tired of dreaming. No one tires of dreaming, because to dream is to forget, and forgetting does not weigh on us, it is a dreamless sleep throughout which we remain awake. In dreams I have achieved everything."

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."

"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be."

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life."

"Only a weak person needed someone else around all the time."

"You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It wont happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, ‘I don’t care how hard this is, I don’t care how disappointed I am, I’m not going to let this get the best of me. I’m moving on with my life."

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."

"If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong."

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."

"Toxic feelings can kill you. Stress shortens your lifespan. Even a broken heart can kill you. There is an undeniable mind-body connection. Your arguments and hateful talk can land you in the emergency room or in the morgue. You were not meant to live in a fever of anxiety; screaming yourself hoarse in a frenzy of dreadful, panicked fight-or-flight that leaves you exhausted and numb with grief."

"Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worth while, so when you are lonely, remember this is true: Somebody, somewhere is thinking of you."

"If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for."

"A photograph shouldn't be just a picture, it should be a philosophy."

"People throw stones at you and you convert them into milestones."

"To assess the quality of thoughts of people, don't listen to their words, but watch their actions."

"There is a difference between WISHING for a thing and being READY to receive it. No one is ready for a thing, until he believes he can acquire it. The state of mind must be BELIEF, not mere hope or wish. Open-mindedness is essential for belief."

"When you are lonely for a while don't get restless, if you had born alone, you are going to die alone then for sometime you can certainly live alone."

"Never prove people right. Never prove them wrong. Prove instead that you make your own path in life."

"Desire is craving enough to sacrifice for."

"Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love."

"Sometimes it’s only in the ecstasy of unrepressed movement that we may enter the stillness of our authentic selves. In such sacred moments, the world seems to be in step. This is why the idea of finding love across the dance floor endure — symbolizing that, when we know the true rhythm of our heart, we know the other."

"When the sun has set, no candle can replace it."

Monday, June 12, 2017

All I Want

I just want to start this post by saying to my readers that everything is okay and I feel fine. My previous post was simply just poetry--something I often post to this blog. All is well and I have inflicted no harm to myself nor have I even toyed with the idea. I was just playing around with FL Studio as I often do, the creative juices were flowing and some lyric ideas came to mind; so I documented them for reference--as I often do.

Things are continuing to go very well in many aspects of my life, and it's been a good summer so far. I've got a new(er) car, I've had the same job for almost a year, I'm healthier, I'm happy and even-tempered, I'm more focused than I have ever been, school's going well, I've built a routine for myself and I have eliminated and changed all of my old habits. If she could only see me now, I know she'd be so proud. I want so badly to talk to her and I know all I have to do is text her and say "hi," but as I have said before, it's just not that easy for me (for obvious reasons). But even more-so, I want to see her face again. I want to hug her and softly kiss her on the forehead. I want to hold her hand again. I want to treat her to a fancy dinner and movie, I want to take her for a stroll on the beach hand-in-hand, I want to cuddle with her on the couch and watch the newest Iliza Shlesinger comedy special that continues to haunt my Netlifx queue, but I refuse to interfere in her life by asking.

I want her to be happy, and I know she is. I can only hope one day she will welcome the chance  for me to display and prove all I've learned and changed over these past 10 months since we last saw each other. The fact of the matter for me continues to be that no matter what I have going on, no matter who I meet, no matter what--there's nothing and no one that can take her place. She continues to be all I want.


Friday, June 9, 2017

Spout

Another tear falls from the heavens
I let her down, yet again I've let her down
I've arranged all of my sins into sevens
It picks me up, but then it throws me down

Such disdain
In my head
With red rooms
In my stead

Can the pieces go back together again?

These walls still speak for themselves
But then the blood spouts
Splitting the sides of my conscience
And then the blood spouts

Awaken to a nightmare that I thought I had passed
I hate it all, yes, I hate it all
I've committed more than enough of my time
It's a win for loss, and yes, it's fucking gross

Flowers rot
Laughs, cries
Smiles fade
Love dies

Can a perfect storm every come through again?

These walls still speak for themselves
But then the blood spouts
Splitting the sides of my conscience
And then the blood spouts

And then the blood spouts
And then the blood spouts
And then the blood spouts

I still refuse to give in
No matter how in doubt
I can't forget where I've been
Even when I'm in doubt

This is far from the end
So let the screams out
I know I've been here before
And I always find my way out

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Movie Night

    I went with my friend Hazel to see the new "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie tonight. I didn't expect it to hit me the way it did, but between the 25 minutes of previews for a variety of upcoming comic book, fantasy, 3-D animated and science fiction movies combined with this being my first venture back into a movie theater since seeing "Suicide Squad" with her combined with the fact that this movie that Hazel picked out was so obviously a movie that I would of wanted to see with her, I found the experience difficult to enjoy. I found myself wanting to put up the arm rest on my right side and reach for a small, soft pale-skinned hand with beautiful slender fingers, and sexy long nails that wasn't there. I thought about the thoughtful discussions I used to have with her about whatever movie we'd just seen on our way out of the theater and on the car rides back home.

    Upon waiting for Hazel outside the bathroom following the movie, I experienced further déjà vu and almost convinced myself for a brief second that maybe I'd see her come out of the bathroom instead of Hazel. Afterwards as Hazel and I walked toward our cars, we discussed what we thought about the movie and what we might want to see next. When she said she wants to see the next "Fast and Furious" movie when it comes out, I chose not to respond.

I should of been there with you. 💔