This is going from heartbreaking and sad to actually making me fucking angry. It's just not a good day and there's a grim vibe in the air that seems to mesh well with the hazy overcast that has masked the sky all morning and afternoon. It feels like death. It feels like I am in the movie, "Flatliners."
Despite the mood of the day, I have kept busy--very busy. I've made over 100 dollars today so far in fares. But, what is it exactly that is going from "heartbreaking and sad" to actually becoming infuriating? My inability to say, "fuck her, I don't care anymore" and the coinciding inability to not let reminders of her get to me anymore. I've given 13 rides today so far, and in that time I have had to pass by the mall, Hobby Lobby, Friendly's The Carmike, 420 Peace Avenue (The one near Stuart), Hoffman's, Wine and Barley, Chili's, Total Wine and More etc....
However, it was when I was stuck waiting for someone right outside the Saint Lucie Draft House an hour ago, I started to tear up like she just dumped me yesterday.
I do not have the will to contact her without asking her out, or at least asking if she is still dating. I know the answer I am going to get and I am not going to like it. And when she says it, I will not be able to move past it.
She has stopped contacting me too. Maybe she didn't like a post I wrote on here. Maybe she is head over heels in love at this point and she just doesn't give a fuck about me anymore. Maybe she think she's doing me a favor by going dark. Maybe she just thinks the ball is in my court.
Whatever the reason is, I shouldn't care. I've wasted enough of my finite time on this plane of existence pining over her. I should be spending the night in my bed with a gorgeous fucking woman who likes Bill Maher, who isn't going to just barely pretend to appreciate the expensive fucking Fossil watch I bought her for our 1st Christmas together and also likes me for me; who isn't married to someone else and isn't ever going to go off on a voyage to Atlanta and erase me from her life.
Which is why I will never mention her on here again.
