The odd one out forever

I am incapable of change. My brain refuses any requests for adjustment in anyway that would help me become a well-adjusted individual who is socially skilled, pleasurable to be around or someone a girl can be proud to introduce to her parents. I'm a bipolar,  obsessive compulsive,  narcoleptic, paranoid schizophrenic emotional wreck who wreaks havoc on the souls, brains and patience of everyone around me. I really should just go away and let everyone be. It's not my time. It's not about me anymore.

:(

::TRYING TO WIPE SLATE CLEAN BUT IT JUST FUCKING WON'T COME CLEAN NO MATTER HOW HARD AND VIGOROUSLY I PRESS THIS FUCKING CLOTH::

Grown Up Chat

If you do as you're told, you will make no one happy

And if you disobey, you will be reprimanded

And if you try your best, you'll still be corrected

And if you stop giving a shit, you will be well-rewarded

This world is filled with gloom

This world is filled with gloom

And it won't spare me or you...no...

And if you offer help, you will make no one happy

And if you're generous, you will be left with nothing

In a place so dark and cold, you will be alone and hungry

Everything is made to fail, so again you won't be happy

This world is filled with gloom
This world is filled with gloom
And it won't spare me or you...no...

This world is filled with gloom
This world is filled with gloom
And there's no God to save me or you...no...

Chicanery

My decision to acknowledge
I broke a promise to myself
I'm in heaven, I am hell-bound
I'm the nasty taste stuck in your mouth

I never meant to go there
I never planned to slumber
I knew it'd be over in time

Then the fat lady died!

Please just piss on me
It's never too early to try again
Please just piss on me
It's always so soothing

Because loving leads to other things
And other things lead to crazy things
And crazy things lead to shitty things
And all that's shitty rests inside me

My decision to relinquish
And accept all impermanence
Intoxication from the prison
With walls reaching far and wide

I never meant to go there
I never planned to slumber
I never wanted to stay inside

I take it all in
I accept what is
And then watch as my heart just cries!

Please just piss on me
It's never too early to try again
Please just piss on me
It's always been so soothing . . . .

Just once..

Just once, I would like to have an actual good day at work.

Just once, I would like something to work out the way I planned.

Just once, I would like to feel like the weight of the world is not on my shoulders.

Just once, I would like to feel like everything is okay.