I am going to die alone

I am such a fuck up. I am such a stain. All I do is cry like a little girl. I am a master of ruining important moments. I chase everyone who loves me away. I'll never be happy. I never think before I say or do anything. All I want to do is find a gas stove, blow out the flame, turn up the gas and light a match. These tears are falling so hard and fast I think the computer might short out. I don't want to be alone right now; I wish she were here to hold me. I can't even read what I'm typing anymore. I wish she would call or knock on the door.