I get it

I knew it on that dark night

The second your face lit up from the dome light

A girl who had all her ducks in a row

About to meet the epitome of everything that's wrong

When the world let me in, I had the best intentions

When the world gave me life and ability I oppressed it

I chose to take my brain cells and use 'em for SHIIIIIIIIIT!

Use them for shit

I knew it on that dark night

When again your face lit up in the sports bar lights

A girl happy, content with nothing but smarts that shined bright

Buying fucking beers for a sack of human garbage

When the world let me in, I had the best of intentions

To change the world, take all the pain and erase it

But instead I learned about drugs and decided 'fuck it'

I used up my motivation, inspiration, dedication and submerged it in SHIIIIIIIIT!

In shiiiiit!

Yeah, I am in love with a girl who's smarter than me and

I would give anything for this amazing girl who's out of my league and

I'd give anything to one day make this girl proud of me and

Oh, won't that day ever fucking come?

I knew it on that dark night

The second your face lit up from the dome light

A girl who had all her ducks in a row

About to meet the epitome of everything that's wrong

Oh, I knew it on that dark night

When again your face lit up in the sports bar lights

A girl happy, content with nothing but with such smarts that shine bright

Buying fucking beers for a man who has nothing but dreams for more than something

Believe me, please!

Believe me, please! Yeah, baby please!

Believe me, baby, believe me, baby!

Please, please please!

Yes!

Please, please please...

I knew it on that dark night

The second your face lit up from the dome light

A girl who had all her ducks in a row

About to meet the epitome of everything that's wrong

I knew it on that dark night

Your face dimmed by the dark against the domelight

Your scent welcoming with your eyes so dazzling

I knew I had to have you.

And I get it. I get it.

Some say I'm not the best one,

Some say I'm the worst one

For me you are the only one

And I have not given up

I love you, baby

The Pit

Holding my breath and my face is turning blue

Better to die alone than die here next to you

Vision's becoming blurred and fogged

At least I can't focus on all the bad I've done

In a world so disheveled, without a single answer

Take me back from whence I came!

I see what's not

And I know the not

Swallowed up by a lifetime of lies

Now these days I never dream

Bothered by what all this means

Addicted and yearning for all I despise

Stuck in this pit I scream and I squirm

Waiting for the gas to spark and to burn

Disillusioned and miserable, aren't we all?

Only I'm not afraid to show my feelings anymore

Throat is closing up and airway is clogged

Unable to confess to all the horrible shit I've done 

In a world so disheveled, without a single answer

Take me back from whence I came!

I see what's not

And I know the not

Swallowed up by a lifetime of lies

Now these days I never dream

Bothered by what all this means

Addicted and yearning for all I despise

Stuck in this pit I scream and I squirm

Waiting for the gas to spark and to burn

I see what's not

And I know the not

Swallowed up by a lifetime of lies

Now these days I never dream

Bothered by what all this means

Addicted and yearning for all I despise

Stuck in this pit I scream and I squirm

Waiting for the gas to spark and to burn

 

Growing Strains

A piece of the puzzle found soggy and wet
My body is lacking in iron, the world has gone black
I found my desires, or did they find me?
To find another way, a reason to stay

To just run away..
Running away just to come right back

Am I the only one?!
That can see it for all it is
With blood that's boiling, as my teeth sink in
Am I the only one?!
That sees this exhibit
For all that it is, a pile of human shit!

Am I the only one?!

Locked in my closet, are old memories
Locked in my own skull, endless disabilities
I found out my future, or did it find me?
More confusion and no reason to stay

Just to run away..
Running away just to come right back

Am I..Am I..Am I..Am I..Am I..Am I

Am I the only one?!
Who can see through the trees
With the blood that's boiling, and grinding teeth
Am I the only one?!
That sees this mess
All fucked up, just like the rest!

Running away just to run right back
Running away just to run right back
Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away!

Dream on, in your blissful sleeps
In a world of wonder awaits you there
Dream on, feed the hopes
Piled right over the reality that awaits you here

Dream on, sleep on, dream on, sleep on, dream on, sleep on,
Dream on, sleep on!!!!

Anyway

I never meant to cause you any trouble
I never meant to disrespect you in anyway
I never meant to bring grief to that smile
I'd race to fix it, no matter what, in any single way

Anyway, anyway

Only want to see you smile and laugh in the same old way

Anyway, anyway

The only way to make this right is to fix it how?
I feel the animosity from across the room
I know that it's what I deserve without any question
But still, I'll say or do what I must to fix this mess in any single way

Anyway, anyway

Only want to hear that voice I'm used to in that same old way

Anyway, anyway

I feel like I've known you forever
I feel like I've known you for even longer
I feel the pain I have caused you
The only way I can mend is to help ease your pain in any single way

Anyway, anyway

It's such a shame that on this day I have allowed you to feel this way
And I will fix this fucking mess in any single way!

Senseless Weather (Inside and Out)

The soil outside is growing putrid and lies in waste

The sky above is growing dark in rings and shades of gray

The rain falls so hard outside that I cannot even think

This head of mine is such a dangerous place

 

I once knew who I was in a time so long ago

I once knew who my friends were but now I do not know

I am the CEO of a place where no one goes

I am the owner and the proprietor of this

EVER..EXPANDING..SHIT..HOLE 

 

I tried and tried to set it straight

But the harder that I try the more that negates

I tried this time to live a life of truth

And it seems this time that God burned all the clues

I tried and tried to be my best for you

The best for me, my family for your world too

I tried this time to know for sure

But the answers all remain behind several locked doors

 

The fire burnt out releasing a puff of smoke

The chimney seems clogged as I fall over and choke

Slowly, surely the air begins to clear

But still I'm all alone and worse, I'm still locked in here

 

What I would give to be somebody else

What I would give to know some other kind of stress

I am the CEO of a place where no one goes

I am the proud prisoner and proprietor of this

FUCKING..SHIT..HOLE!

 

 

 

When Alone

It's only in the dark I see

Shine your light away from me

I keep trying to pray off my disease

I wait in silence and God won't speak

This empty old room, dusty, desolate and cold...

Only when alone, only when I feel ashamed

Only when alone, only when my temper's tamed

Just hold me close and let it be

Exhale your breath all over me

The darkest nights and bloody fights

Always wrong and never right

We beat the odds just one more time

Eating the leftover dust and grime

Only when alone, only when I can see the end

Only when alone, only when my wounds can mend

I paint my face in colors dark

Hiding the truth from all of you

The man I was, no doubt has died

The devil always lets his victims cry

Mountains crumbling, the sky then falls

A pretty ending after all

Only when alone, only when the people crowd

Only when alone, only when I scream aloud

Only when alone, only when I hear that sound...

Only when I'm alone, only when the meaning's found

Greaser Sleeze

Bleeding out on the floors of nowhere
In the wake, in the dawn, of nowhere
Pushing hard, pushing fast to nowhere
You'll always find me here, in nowhere

Die..die..die..die..

On the phone, all alone in nowhere
Growing old in the cold of nowhere
Drink your tea of ecstasy in nowhere
Say your piece as I grieve in nowhere

Why..why..why..why..

We are..dead heart..bad start..

Dead heeeeart!!!

Everlasting Tear

Once I swore that I'd never ever get old
In all my worst dreams, I'm always alone
Now I'm my weakest, the skin is trembling
And now the fog is so quickly thickening

Dark room, eyes open softly
Scent in the air cries at me
A heart that's bleeding
A heart I can't glue
I'll pretend I'm someone else

I am aware this is all I will ever know
The story unfolds as the spirit dies
I am aware this is all I will ever know
Your slave again complies

Offering their guidance through the forest blindly
On the other side awaits relief
Precious moments that need no mentioning
Have spilled their guts all over me

A heart that's bleeding
A heart I cannot glue
Why won't they let me rest?

I am aware this is all I will ever know
The story unfolds as the spirit dies
I am aware this is all I will ever know
Your slave again complies

I am aware this is all I will ever know
The story unfolds as the spirit dies
I am aware this is all I will ever know
Your slave again complies

I am aware this is all I will ever know
The story unfolds as the spirit dies
I am aware this is all I will ever know
Your slave again complies

Your slave again complies

Death again complies..

Begging In The Street

I am naked in the bloody pool

I am dirty in the street

I am hungry and so thirsty

Crying and so very lonely

I have found my mother's doorstep

Begging pretty, pretty please

I want so much what no one will give me

Slame the door in my musky face

This is not what I fuckin' planned for

Bring me back to the drawing board

This is not what I planned to happen

Lay down to die on my mother's floor

I am left for dead begging, dying in the street

Surrounded my the very dirt I swore to never meet

I am left for dead begging, dying in the street

Let everyone down, giving in, admitting my own defeat

Everyone good and bad I've ever known

Turned their back on me in a fit of disgust

Good for them if I do say so myself

For I know I would of done the same

All out of chances, the game is over now

Let me spin the wheel just one more time

Nothing to win, nothing left to lose

Fell through the fox hole all over again

This is not what I fuckin' planned for

Help come out of this a fuckin' champ

This is not what I fuckin' planned to happen

No genie swimmin' out of my rusty lamp

I am left for dead begging, dying in the street

Surrounded my the very dirt I swore to never meet

I am left for dead begging, dying in the street

Let everyone down, giving in, admitting my own defeat

All alone - it hurts so much

Hated - despised - it hurts so much

Ignored - it hurts so much

All alone - it hurts so much

My life hurts me so much

J.B.

You were in my dream last night..
And I really don't know where it came from
All I know is it must mean something
Girl, you were in my dream last night

Everything about it felt so real
I can't describe the chills that it made me feel
And now I want you so bad, I'm willing to steal
Girl, you were in my dream last night

That single kiss we shared
All those years back buried in the sand
Those young feelings we had
The time we shared that I did not forget

I just can't seem to get you off my mind
To try rid myself of this desire would be a crime
I have strong desire and I want to make you mine
Girl, you were in my mother fucking dream last night!!

I know my life was meant for more than this
This nightmare needs to be destroyed and
I miss you so much I just can't ignore it and
There's a reason you were in my dream last night!!

That single kiss we shared
All those years back buried in the sand
Those young feelings we had
The time we shared that I did not forget

This feeling has to be real
I can't rid myself of all this temptation I feel
I want so bad to see your face now
Please be mine, right here, right now!

Girl, you were in my dream last night

Reincarnate

I am so beat to shit my 15 year old self could kick my ass
I've become so codependent if I took a shit right now I couldn't part with it
What have I become? Watch me suck my thumb
I have become the bile spill that could disgust even a roach!

No more! No more! No more! No nothing!

Hey, old self. Would it be best if I wiped your tears?
Old self! You've become everything I swore off in the beginning.
I want to slap my self to shit! I have so much more to admit!
What if I just let god sit and tell me about all I have done?

No more! No more! No more! No nothing!

Even Charlie holds a better record, if you'd seen what goes on full time you'd puke
I wasn't born, wasn't made to hold a flag in you're parade
I can't believe my kind even exist

If you saw what I see you'd jump
If you saw what I see you'd jump
It's best you all just got back to sleep, forget me

No more! No more! No more! No nothing!

Even Charlie holds a better record, if you'd seen what goes on full time you'd puke
I wasn't born, wasn't made to hold a flag in you're parade
I can't believe my kind even exist

The Real Self Inflicted Wound

Light breaks through, screams at me, begs for me to bleed and bleed
Pathways jammed with all my shit, I plead the lord to just let me quit
There is no way that a new day free of despair waits for me
They all beg for me to stay where it rains, where I'll drown and sink away

These feelings drown my soul, tighten my nerves, nothing left to do but squirm and squirm
Embarrassed through existence, covered it all my own shit and piss
I accept the blame, it was my game, it's all my fault everythings stayed the same
They all scream, whatever it means, the end is close but can never be seen

But help me understand, this punishment has has diminished my soul
So please help me understand - Where does it end?

The cruelty is real, the anger I feel, the rage inside with no place to hide
Crawl in my skin, the enemy wins, then comes back to throw again
Been trying to grow, trying to cleanse, make my amends, but
The place where my thoughts, grow into more, has been compromised by leeching whores

I throw myself away, for never another day will I somehow rise above these barnyard flies
Though to do so I'd be willing to pay any price
I carry with me this energy, it can be used for health or used for pain
And I always choose to loose  and dream away my precious days in shit!

This punishment I agreed to has crushed my fucking soul
I want out so tell me please - Where does it end?

Antipathy

I have searched all over, but there was nothing left to find

I have begged and pleaded for mercy, but mommy dearest just spit in my eyes

WHAT HAVE I BECOME?

WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Someone help me reverse this before I dive off the fuckin' edge!

Stop this! Kill this! End this! Fuck this!

I slither right between your legs

I wrap around your neck and watch you suffocate

My loneliness has become my bliss

There's no need to try anymore

All the damage has been done

Stop this! Kill this! End this! Fuck this!

We're all apart of someone else's nightmare

I've been drawn a role and so have you

When it ends, we will all be denied our final bows

Uncredited, the audience couldn't give a shit less who we are or were

The world is such an ugly place to start a life

The world is such a putrid place, full of lies

The planet earth cannot see what we've done

It's blind and waiting death...

Stop this! Kill this! End this! Fuck this!

SHIT OUT OF LUCK!

We're all apart of someone else's nightmare

I've been drawn a role and so have you

When it ends, we will all be denied our final bows

Uncredited, the audience couldn't give a shit less who we are or were