Purge

 To all I've known

I wish you well

I've let you down

I'm off to hell

 These unseemly thoughts

That fill my head

Let's drown them out

It'll stay this way

It's not a phase

These horrid visions

So palpable

To all I've known

I curse this spell

Escape the truth..escape the noose

A tear within a box of dreams

Leads to a life so beautiful

I've kept the hope and all it means

To lead a life so wonderful

A founded wish to watch it bleed

And wash away the terrible

 It's over now

No cause to wait

Everything is now disposable 

To this whole world

I wish you well

Can't change these facts

Or un-ring this bell

 These voices now

That fill my head

Let's drown them out

It's the way it is

Please not like this

Just take me home

I wanna go

To this whole world

It's all dispelled

I'm blaming you..blame all of you

A tear within a box of dreams

Leads to a life so beautiful

I've kept the hope and all it means

To lead a life so wonderful

A founded wish to watch it bleed

And wash away the terrible

 It's over now

No cause to wait

Everything is now disposable

I wish you well..I curse this spell

I wish you well..it's all dispelled

To all I've known

I wish you well

Please never show the cards you're dealt

This world so cruel and full of spite

I've drowned it out

I've begged for change

But it's too late

I've seen what's next

So palpable

To this whole world

Just go to hell

I'm purged of you..of all of you

A tear within a box of dreams

Leads to a life so beautiful

I've kept the hope and all it means

To lead a life so wonderful

A founded wish to watch it bleed

And wash away the terrible

 It's over now

No cause to wait

Everything is now disposable

To all so cursed and disposable

Please take your leave of me

To all so cursed and disposable

Please take your leave of me

To all so cursed and disposable

Please take your leave of me

To all so cursed and disposable
Know it's not you, it's me

The Scar She Left

I see you every morning when I wake up

I see you when I lay my head down every night

There is no such place or time

That can damn near keep me from wishing I was there with you

And this scar that you've left me has shown me just who I could be

While this scar that you have left me has just left me wanting

To hold you more closely

To share with you a much funnier story

To laugh with you, and keep you

To shield you from this world filled with numerous evils

I've seen ups and I've seen downs from being a character in almost any fable

These thoughts play on a loop in my brain

Asking me has this well of hope been drained

You know what you mean to me

You know I love and for you I'd do anything

It hurts so much to know where we're at

But please know that these past few years to me meant everything

And this scar that you've left me has shown me just who I could be

While this scar that you have left me has just left me wanting

To hold you more closely

To share with you a much funnier story

To laugh with you, and keep you

To shield you from aches and pains in a world filled with hidden devils

I've seen ups and I've seen downs from being a character in almost any fable

These thoughts play on a loop in my brain

Asking me has this well of hope been drained

I see your face every morning

I'm reminded of you every moment I'm awake

With this scar that you've left me

With this scar that you've left me

And this scar that you've left me has shown me just who I could be

While this scar that you have left me has just left me wanting

And this scar that you've left me has shown me just who I could be

While this scar that you have left me has just left me wanting....

To hold you more closely

To share with you a much funnier story

To laugh with you, and keep you

To shield you from aches and pains in a world filled with hidden devils

I've seen ups and I've seen downs from being a character in almost any fable

These thoughts play on a loop in my brain

Asking me has this well of hope been drained

I get it

I knew it on that dark night

The second your face lit up from the dome light

A girl who had all her ducks in a row

About to meet the epitome of everything that's wrong

When the world let me in, I had the best intentions

When the world gave me life and ability I oppressed it

I chose to take my brain cells and use 'em for SHIIIIIIIIIT!

Use them for shit

I knew it on that dark night

When again your face lit up in the sports bar lights

A girl happy, content with nothing but smarts that shined bright

Buying fucking beers for a sack of human garbage

When the world let me in, I had the best of intentions

To change the world, take all the pain and erase it

But instead I learned about drugs and decided 'fuck it'

I used up my motivation, inspiration, dedication and submerged it in SHIIIIIIIIT!

In shiiiiit!

Yeah, I am in love with a girl who's smarter than me and

I would give anything for this amazing girl who's out of my league and

I'd give anything to one day make this girl proud of me and

Oh, won't that day ever fucking come?

I knew it on that dark night

The second your face lit up from the dome light

A girl who had all her ducks in a row

About to meet the epitome of everything that's wrong

Oh, I knew it on that dark night

When again your face lit up in the sports bar lights

A girl happy, content with nothing but with such smarts that shine bright

Buying fucking beers for a man who has nothing but dreams for more than something

Believe me, please!

Believe me, please! Yeah, baby please!

Believe me, baby, believe me, baby!

Please, please please!

Yes!

Please, please please...

I knew it on that dark night

The second your face lit up from the dome light

A girl who had all her ducks in a row

About to meet the epitome of everything that's wrong

I knew it on that dark night

Your face dimmed by the dark against the domelight

Your scent welcoming with your eyes so dazzling

I knew I had to have you.

And I get it. I get it.

Some say I'm not the best one,

Some say I'm the worst one

For me you are the only one

And I have not given up

I love you, baby

The Pit

Holding my breath and my face is turning blue

Better to die alone than die here next to you

Vision's becoming blurred and fogged

At least I can't focus on all the bad I've done

In a world so disheveled, without a single answer

Take me back from whence I came!

I see what's not

And I know the not

Swallowed up by a lifetime of lies

Now these days I never dream

Bothered by what all this means

Addicted and yearning for all I despise

Stuck in this pit I scream and I squirm

Waiting for the gas to spark and to burn

Disillusioned and miserable, aren't we all?

Only I'm not afraid to show my feelings anymore

Throat is closing up and airway is clogged

Unable to confess to all the horrible shit I've done 

In a world so disheveled, without a single answer

Take me back from whence I came!

I see what's not

And I know the not

Swallowed up by a lifetime of lies

Now these days I never dream

Bothered by what all this means

Addicted and yearning for all I despise

Stuck in this pit I scream and I squirm

Waiting for the gas to spark and to burn

I see what's not

And I know the not

Swallowed up by a lifetime of lies

Now these days I never dream

Bothered by what all this means

Addicted and yearning for all I despise

Stuck in this pit I scream and I squirm

Waiting for the gas to spark and to burn

 

Anyway

I never meant to cause you any trouble
I never meant to disrespect you in anyway
I never meant to bring grief to that smile
I'd race to fix it, no matter what, in any single way

Anyway, anyway

Only want to see you smile and laugh in the same old way

Anyway, anyway

The only way to make this right is to fix it how?
I feel the animosity from across the room
I know that it's what I deserve without any question
But still, I'll say or do what I must to fix this mess in any single way

Anyway, anyway

Only want to hear that voice I'm used to in that same old way

Anyway, anyway

I feel like I've known you forever
I feel like I've known you for even longer
I feel the pain I have caused you
The only way I can mend is to help ease your pain in any single way

Anyway, anyway

It's such a shame that on this day I have allowed you to feel this way
And I will fix this fucking mess in any single way!

Senseless Weather (Inside and Out)

The soil outside is growing putrid and lies in waste

The sky above is growing dark in rings and shades of gray

The rain falls so hard outside that I cannot even think

This head of mine is such a dangerous place

 

I once knew who I was in a time so long ago

I once knew who my friends were but now I do not know

I am the CEO of a place where no one goes

I am the owner and the proprietor of this

EVER..EXPANDING..SHIT..HOLE 

 

I tried and tried to set it straight

But the harder that I try the more that negates

I tried this time to live a life of truth

And it seems this time that God burned all the clues

I tried and tried to be my best for you

The best for me, my family for your world too

I tried this time to know for sure

But the answers all remain behind several locked doors

 

The fire burnt out releasing a puff of smoke

The chimney seems clogged as I fall over and choke

Slowly, surely the air begins to clear

But still I'm all alone and worse, I'm still locked in here

 

What I would give to be somebody else

What I would give to know some other kind of stress

I am the CEO of a place where no one goes

I am the proud prisoner and proprietor of this

FUCKING..SHIT..HOLE!

 

 

 

Chicanery

My decision to acknowledge
I broke a promise to myself
I'm in heaven, I am hell-bound
I'm the nasty taste stuck in your mouth

I never meant to go there
I never planned to slumber
I knew it'd be over in time

Then the fat lady died!

Please just piss on me
It's never too early to try again
Please just piss on me
It's always so soothing

Because loving leads to other things
And other things lead to crazy things
And crazy things lead to shitty things
And all that's shitty rests inside me

My decision to relinquish
And accept all impermanence
Intoxication from the prison
With walls reaching far and wide

I never meant to go there
I never planned to slumber
I never wanted to stay inside

I take it all in
I accept what is
And then watch as my heart just cries!

Please just piss on me
It's never too early to try again
Please just piss on me
It's always been so soothing . . . .

I Suck At Everything

I suck at everything

I’m a piece of shit

I suck at everything

I fucking quit

I suck at everything

I hate the world

I suck at everything

I’m a sissy fucking girl

I suck at everything

I suck at life, I hate you all, you make me sick

Leave this place right away, or I’ll bite off your dick

I live my days decomposing in your grandma’s cunt

If you need me to, I’d be glad to be more blunt

I suck at everything

This world is not meant for me

I suck at everything

The anger clings like shit onto me

I suck at everything

You can never understand me

I’ve fucking had it

You will die before me

I suck at life, I will no longer be made a fool

I refuse to try again, just for you to watch me lose

I carry a curse that won’t wear thin

Only your pain can make me grin

I suck at everything

I’m the brunt of your joke

I suck at everything

I’m gonna watch as you choke

I suck at everything

This is how it always will be

So fucking fed up

This is not how it should be

I tried so hard

This is why it pains me

Keep getting up

This is why it infuriates me

You knock me down again

That is why I’m angry

You never lose

That is why you’re dying

Right now, here in front of me

I hear you scream

This is so relaxing

The soothing sounds

Of your life so slowly ending

When Alone

It's only in the dark I see

Shine your light away from me

I keep trying to pray off my disease

I wait in silence and God won't speak

This empty old room, dusty, desolate and cold...

Only when alone, only when I feel ashamed

Only when alone, only when my temper's tamed

Just hold me close and let it be

Exhale your breath all over me

The darkest nights and bloody fights

Always wrong and never right

We beat the odds just one more time

Eating the leftover dust and grime

Only when alone, only when I can see the end

Only when alone, only when my wounds can mend

I paint my face in colors dark

Hiding the truth from all of you

The man I was, no doubt has died

The devil always lets his victims cry

Mountains crumbling, the sky then falls

A pretty ending after all

Only when alone, only when the people crowd

Only when alone, only when I scream aloud

Only when alone, only when I hear that sound...

Only when I'm alone, only when the meaning's found

Greaser Sleeze

Bleeding out on the floors of nowhere
In the wake, in the dawn, of nowhere
Pushing hard, pushing fast to nowhere
You'll always find me here, in nowhere

Die..die..die..die..

On the phone, all alone in nowhere
Growing old in the cold of nowhere
Drink your tea of ecstasy in nowhere
Say your piece as I grieve in nowhere

Why..why..why..why..

We are..dead heart..bad start..

Dead heeeeart!!!

Everlasting Tear

Once I swore that I'd never ever get old
In all my worst dreams, I'm always alone
Now I'm my weakest, the skin is trembling
And now the fog is so quickly thickening

Dark room, eyes open softly
Scent in the air cries at me
A heart that's bleeding
A heart I can't glue
I'll pretend I'm someone else

I am aware this is all I will ever know
The story unfolds as the spirit dies
I am aware this is all I will ever know
Your slave again complies

Offering their guidance through the forest blindly
On the other side awaits relief
Precious moments that need no mentioning
Have spilled their guts all over me

A heart that's bleeding
A heart I cannot glue
Why won't they let me rest?

I am aware this is all I will ever know
The story unfolds as the spirit dies
I am aware this is all I will ever know
Your slave again complies

I am aware this is all I will ever know
The story unfolds as the spirit dies
I am aware this is all I will ever know
Your slave again complies

I am aware this is all I will ever know
The story unfolds as the spirit dies
I am aware this is all I will ever know
Your slave again complies

Your slave again complies

Death again complies..

Begging In The Street

I am naked in the bloody pool

I am dirty in the street

I am hungry and so thirsty

Crying and so very lonely

I have found my mother's doorstep

Begging pretty, pretty please

I want so much what no one will give me

Slame the door in my musky face

This is not what I fuckin' planned for

Bring me back to the drawing board

This is not what I planned to happen

Lay down to die on my mother's floor

I am left for dead begging, dying in the street

Surrounded my the very dirt I swore to never meet

I am left for dead begging, dying in the street

Let everyone down, giving in, admitting my own defeat

Everyone good and bad I've ever known

Turned their back on me in a fit of disgust

Good for them if I do say so myself

For I know I would of done the same

All out of chances, the game is over now

Let me spin the wheel just one more time

Nothing to win, nothing left to lose

Fell through the fox hole all over again

This is not what I fuckin' planned for

Help come out of this a fuckin' champ

This is not what I fuckin' planned to happen

No genie swimmin' out of my rusty lamp

I am left for dead begging, dying in the street

Surrounded my the very dirt I swore to never meet

I am left for dead begging, dying in the street

Let everyone down, giving in, admitting my own defeat

All alone - it hurts so much

Hated - despised - it hurts so much

Ignored - it hurts so much

All alone - it hurts so much

My life hurts me so much

J.B.

You were in my dream last night..
And I really don't know where it came from
All I know is it must mean something
Girl, you were in my dream last night

Everything about it felt so real
I can't describe the chills that it made me feel
And now I want you so bad, I'm willing to steal
Girl, you were in my dream last night

That single kiss we shared
All those years back buried in the sand
Those young feelings we had
The time we shared that I did not forget

I just can't seem to get you off my mind
To try rid myself of this desire would be a crime
I have strong desire and I want to make you mine
Girl, you were in my mother fucking dream last night!!

I know my life was meant for more than this
This nightmare needs to be destroyed and
I miss you so much I just can't ignore it and
There's a reason you were in my dream last night!!

That single kiss we shared
All those years back buried in the sand
Those young feelings we had
The time we shared that I did not forget

This feeling has to be real
I can't rid myself of all this temptation I feel
I want so bad to see your face now
Please be mine, right here, right now!

Girl, you were in my dream last night

The Passing Way

Inherent to what I hate in you
The scarring sun, it has me spun

I am disgraced to what I am
And I'm disgraced at what's to come

There's no where left to run
One bullet in this gun
We beg, we cry, we scream his name
The silence never goes away

And I am disgraced by all I've done
And I'm so disgraced, that I can't turn back

I try but can't prevail, they hate me
Close minds, unopened arms surround

I can't hide

I feel disgraced, the mirror haunts
I feel disgraced, no love out there for me

Parasite

Lost in the flood

I glare at you

The shoe has never fit

So let it go

Preying and calling 

Trying but failing

 No more

Your grief is my fault

The song that's playing will rid us of

All these faces that have tried to change us

Let me inside

Pick another soul

To terrorize

I will never win

So let it go

Preying and calling

Trying but failing

Again

Your grief is my fault

The song that's playing will rid us of

All these faces that have tried to change us

Let me inside

Let me inside

Hoping this time

You'll let me inside

Hoping this time

The parasite just dies!

Reincarnate

I am so beat to shit my 15 year old self could kick my ass
I've become so codependent if I took a shit right now I couldn't part with it
What have I become? Watch me suck my thumb
I have become the bile spill that could disgust even a roach!

No more! No more! No more! No nothing!

Hey, old self. Would it be best if I wiped your tears?
Old self! You've become everything I swore off in the beginning.
I want to slap my self to shit! I have so much more to admit!
What if I just let god sit and tell me about all I have done?

No more! No more! No more! No nothing!

Even Charlie holds a better record, if you'd seen what goes on full time you'd puke
I wasn't born, wasn't made to hold a flag in you're parade
I can't believe my kind even exist

If you saw what I see you'd jump
If you saw what I see you'd jump
It's best you all just got back to sleep, forget me

No more! No more! No more! No nothing!

Even Charlie holds a better record, if you'd seen what goes on full time you'd puke
I wasn't born, wasn't made to hold a flag in you're parade
I can't believe my kind even exist

The Real Self Inflicted Wound

Light breaks through, screams at me, begs for me to bleed and bleed
Pathways jammed with all my shit, I plead the lord to just let me quit
There is no way that a new day free of despair waits for me
They all beg for me to stay where it rains, where I'll drown and sink away

These feelings drown my soul, tighten my nerves, nothing left to do but squirm and squirm
Embarrassed through existence, covered it all my own shit and piss
I accept the blame, it was my game, it's all my fault everythings stayed the same
They all scream, whatever it means, the end is close but can never be seen

But help me understand, this punishment has has diminished my soul
So please help me understand - Where does it end?

The cruelty is real, the anger I feel, the rage inside with no place to hide
Crawl in my skin, the enemy wins, then comes back to throw again
Been trying to grow, trying to cleanse, make my amends, but
The place where my thoughts, grow into more, has been compromised by leeching whores

I throw myself away, for never another day will I somehow rise above these barnyard flies
Though to do so I'd be willing to pay any price
I carry with me this energy, it can be used for health or used for pain
And I always choose to loose  and dream away my precious days in shit!

This punishment I agreed to has crushed my fucking soul
I want out so tell me please - Where does it end?

Antipathy

I have searched all over, but there was nothing left to find

I have begged and pleaded for mercy, but mommy dearest just spit in my eyes

WHAT HAVE I BECOME?

WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Someone help me reverse this before I dive off the fuckin' edge!

Stop this! Kill this! End this! Fuck this!

I slither right between your legs

I wrap around your neck and watch you suffocate

My loneliness has become my bliss

There's no need to try anymore

All the damage has been done

Stop this! Kill this! End this! Fuck this!

We're all apart of someone else's nightmare

I've been drawn a role and so have you

When it ends, we will all be denied our final bows

Uncredited, the audience couldn't give a shit less who we are or were

The world is such an ugly place to start a life

The world is such a putrid place, full of lies

The planet earth cannot see what we've done

It's blind and waiting death...

Stop this! Kill this! End this! Fuck this!

SHIT OUT OF LUCK!

We're all apart of someone else's nightmare

I've been drawn a role and so have you

When it ends, we will all be denied our final bows

Uncredited, the audience couldn't give a shit less who we are or were