Purge

 To all I've known

I wish you well

I've let you down

I'm off to hell

 These unseemly thoughts

That fill my head

Let's drown them out

It'll stay this way

It's not a phase

These horrid visions

So palpable

To all I've known

I curse this spell

Escape the truth..escape the noose

A tear within a box of dreams

Leads to a life so beautiful

I've kept the hope and all it means

To lead a life so wonderful

A founded wish to watch it bleed

And wash away the terrible

 It's over now

No cause to wait

Everything is now disposable 

To this whole world

I wish you well

Can't change these facts

Or un-ring this bell

 These voices now

That fill my head

Let's drown them out

It's the way it is

Please not like this

Just take me home

I wanna go

To this whole world

It's all dispelled

I'm blaming you..blame all of you

A tear within a box of dreams

Leads to a life so beautiful

I've kept the hope and all it means

To lead a life so wonderful

A founded wish to watch it bleed

And wash away the terrible

 It's over now

No cause to wait

Everything is now disposable

I wish you well..I curse this spell

I wish you well..it's all dispelled

To all I've known

I wish you well

Please never show the cards you're dealt

This world so cruel and full of spite

I've drowned it out

I've begged for change

But it's too late

I've seen what's next

So palpable

To this whole world

Just go to hell

I'm purged of you..of all of you

A tear within a box of dreams

Leads to a life so beautiful

I've kept the hope and all it means

To lead a life so wonderful

A founded wish to watch it bleed

And wash away the terrible

 It's over now

No cause to wait

Everything is now disposable

To all so cursed and disposable

Please take your leave of me

To all so cursed and disposable

Please take your leave of me

To all so cursed and disposable

Please take your leave of me

To all so cursed and disposable
Know it's not you, it's me

Heart breaking again

I wanted Jenn to have a good time at DragonCon and still do. I understand this is something she has been looking forward to for at least ten years, I knew she was meeting a friend there, that she would be busy and not really have time to talk.

But I did not see this coming. Why is she ignoring me? Why did she remove me on Facebook and block me on kik? What could I have possibly done to her now? I am 100% devoted to this girl. She is all I want. My heart is aching and I want to understand what is happening. I love her to no end and this is killing me yet again.

I am far from perfect, but I don't deserve this.

The Pit

Holding my breath and my face is turning blue

Better to die alone than die here next to you

Vision's becoming blurred and fogged

At least I can't focus on all the bad I've done

In a world so disheveled, without a single answer

Take me back from whence I came!

I see what's not

And I know the not

Swallowed up by a lifetime of lies

Now these days I never dream

Bothered by what all this means

Addicted and yearning for all I despise

Stuck in this pit I scream and I squirm

Waiting for the gas to spark and to burn

Disillusioned and miserable, aren't we all?

Only I'm not afraid to show my feelings anymore

Throat is closing up and airway is clogged

Unable to confess to all the horrible shit I've done 

In a world so disheveled, without a single answer

Take me back from whence I came!

I see what's not

And I know the not

Swallowed up by a lifetime of lies

Now these days I never dream

Bothered by what all this means

Addicted and yearning for all I despise

Stuck in this pit I scream and I squirm

Waiting for the gas to spark and to burn

I see what's not

And I know the not

Swallowed up by a lifetime of lies

Now these days I never dream

Bothered by what all this means

Addicted and yearning for all I despise

Stuck in this pit I scream and I squirm

Waiting for the gas to spark and to burn

 

Just once..

Just once, I would like to have an actual good day at work.

Just once, I would like something to work out the way I planned.

Just once, I would like to feel like the weight of the world is not on my shoulders.

Just once, I would like to feel like everything is okay.