Fecal Feelings

Fuck you, die now, scumbag shit breath

Leave me alone 'cause I'm tired of you

Get off my back, you smell of shit

You can't fire me because I QUIT

 

You do not know how I feel

You cannot fathom what I feel

Anger and intensity, a stirring pot

You are all what I am not

 

Why not die with me?

Why not die with me?

Why don't you sink with me?

 

I'm glued to your face if for all the wrong reasons

A belt from a pipe won't hold the weight

Bits of wadded tissue and flakes of shit

You can't fire me because I QUIT

 

Never told you what I want

Never told you what I got

Tell me now as I cringe and turn

Silence makes for the best of burns

 

Why not die with me?

Why not die with me?

Why don't you sink with me?



Senseless Weather (Inside and Out)

The soil outside is growing putrid and lies in waste

The sky above is growing dark in rings and shades of gray

The rain falls so hard outside that I cannot even think

This head of mine is such a dangerous place

 

I once knew who I was in a time so long ago

I once knew who my friends were but now I do not know

I am the CEO of a place where no one goes

I am the owner and the proprietor of this

EVER..EXPANDING..SHIT..HOLE 

 

I tried and tried to set it straight

But the harder that I try the more that negates

I tried this time to live a life of truth

And it seems this time that God burned all the clues

I tried and tried to be my best for you

The best for me, my family for your world too

I tried this time to know for sure

But the answers all remain behind several locked doors

 

The fire burnt out releasing a puff of smoke

The chimney seems clogged as I fall over and choke

Slowly, surely the air begins to clear

But still I'm all alone and worse, I'm still locked in here

 

What I would give to be somebody else

What I would give to know some other kind of stress

I am the CEO of a place where no one goes

I am the proud prisoner and proprietor of this

FUCKING..SHIT..HOLE!

 

 

 

I was wrong

I thought I made friends yesterday. I was wrong.

I thought I proved my worst fears about myself untrue. I was wrong.

I thought maybe the curse was just a myth. But I was wrong.

So, that's fine, fuck you.
So, that's fine, fuck you.

If I'm just not good enough, just die.
If you think you're above me in some way, it's a lie. If you think I'm crazy or decided you're afraid of me, just more reason to gouge out your eyes.

Just die.

So, that's fine, fuck you.
So, that's fine, fuck you.

I don't want to know you either,  fuck you.

I'm sorry I was nice to you, fuck you.

I was wrong to think that anything wasn't wrong with me, fuck you.

My pledge to the future

I refuse to allow my new-found unemployment to degrade me back to the shriveled up bed-ridden piece of garbage I was just a short time ago. I will not disappoint those who care about me or allow their suspicions (should they have any) to become truths. Part of me, of course is breathing a much-needed sigh of relief that my work assignment at Maximus is over. I say this with all seriousness and no exaggeration: I cannot imagine anyone I know, given the opportunity to listen in on what the calls we took in that call center, accepting a job there voluntarily. But I will rebound from this, and it will not take 7-8 months like it did last time. I will fill out applications, I will consult multiple sources, I will make phone calls, I will email resumes, I will seek out interviews aggressively, and in between I will make use of my gym, read my book Jen got for me, and WORK ON MY OWN WRITING for real this time. The ideas are flowing again.

Be positive, Dan. For yourself. Good things happen when you think positively. AND, you're more fun

I am going to die alone

I am such a fuck up. I am such a stain. All I do is cry like a little girl. I am a master of ruining important moments. I chase everyone who loves me away. I'll never be happy. I never think before I say or do anything. All I want to do is find a gas stove, blow out the flame, turn up the gas and light a match. These tears are falling so hard and fast I think the computer might short out. I don't want to be alone right now; I wish she were here to hold me. I can't even read what I'm typing anymore. I wish she would call or knock on the door.

Help Me Give a Shit

Stuck in this pit and its making me sick
Listening to you and its hurting my dick
I prey for a change. I prey for relief.
I prey to be part of your daily disease
The glue that was holding me in place
Has broken its bond and I'm free to leave

But I try. And I try.
But whatever I do the demons don't die
I'm here. And I'm there.
I beg for the end but the end never comes

Another day gone to everything I hate
Spent on the absolute worst of distastes
If you give me a chance to let you all see
To let you all see the truth of this game
And the irreparable harm and shame

There is no winning.

But I try. And I try.
But whatever I do the demons don't die
I'm here. And I'm there.
I beg for the end but the end never comes

Dan is wrong.

Of course it's my fault. Were you expecting it wouldn't be? Just because I offered to talk about whatever was upsetting her in the early evening, didn't hear a fucking peep all night and then got a little concerned and upset when my girlfriend said at midnight that there's somethings we just can't ever talk about just before saying goodnight out of nowhere after being silent all evening, doesn't mean I had any right to say anything about it at all. I should of just accepted it, bit my tongue, accepted her non-answers and let her be on her way. She had every right to flip out on me for wanting an explanation, and then proceeding to dress the situation as if I were throwing a hissy fit over wording rather than lack of information and assurement that I had no business knowing what was going on all night to begin with.

Yep, my fault. All me.