Jaxarol

Hold me down

Against the ground

And squeeze these toxins from me

Hold me down

Don't make a sound

Let's set all these demons free

I've looked up to the sky

And I've asked why

I've cried all alone at night

And screamed why

I'm losing ground

Yes, I know

And I still pretend not to know why

Pull me down

Out from the clouds

Again I have failed to see

All these fears

Leave things unclear

To the point of catastrophe

I've taken a look at my life

And I've asked why

I decided that I'd try again

And then asked why

I'm losing ground

Yes, I know

And I still pretend that I do not know why

Hold me down..until I drown..

The future feels so bleak

I can't pretend

That these wounds will mend

I know there's no hope left for me

I've looked up to the sky

And I've asked God why

I've cried all alone at night

And screamed why

I'm losing ground

Yes, I know..

I reach up to the sky

And scream why

I cry alone every night

And scream why

I'm losing ground

Yes, I know

And I still pretend that I do not know why..

Quitter Loves The Shitter

Girly had a dream
Girly had been dreaming
Girly had a goal
Girly saw it getting bigger
Girly loved her life
Girly loved her friends
Girly loved her girl
And girly's now a quitter

This is what it has always lead to
The world's just a shit-ridden sea
This is the world that we've always lived in
No peace when you're always besieged

I'm so tired of society and what it means
I'm so tired of trying to fit myself into this fucking scheme

Girly did her best
And girly was a fighter
Girly was a champion
And girly was no quitter
Girly had fallen down
Girly got back up again
Girly told them to eat their shit
But girly's now a quitter

I'm so tired of society and what it means
I'm so tired of trying to fit myself into this fucking scheme

Dead-ends are what every path always leads to
Lost again in this shit-ridden sea
This is the world that we've always been privy to
Besieged even when you're fast asleep

Daddy-dearest was a quitter
Was never, ever, ever afraid to lose
And mommy-dearest was a cunt-rag
Shitter shitter shitter shitter shitter shitter shitter!

I'm so tired of society and what it means
I'm so tired of trying to fit myself into this fucking scheme

I'm so tired of society and what it means
I'm so tired of trying to fit myself into this fucking scheme!

Forlorn

There's too much of nothing
So forlorn remains the space inside of my heart
That I keep in hopes that this won't remain such a lonely place

I can't stay
I have no reason left to stay here
There's no one left that sees any value left in me

I wake up with this face
And this mood can and will only make it harder
To smile, to go on, be nice and bring people into my space

I don't know
Why it always has to be this way
There's no hope left that things will ever, ever change

Goodbye
To the friends I will never make
Goodbye
To the loves that left me astray
Goodbye
To the friends who went away
Goodbye
To the loves I left in the rain

The sky falls on this place
As I stand alone in complete disgrace
Wipe clean and pat dry--I wish I could get another try

With this brain
I can't see how the old me won't be mourned
It seems now that place inside me will always be forlorn

Goodbye
To the friends I will never make
Goodbye
To the loves that left me astray
Goodbye
To the friends who went away
Goodbye
To the loves I left in the rain

These Feelings Inside

I've been living so long with these feelings inside
That I almost believe that they're me
I've been drowning so long in these feelings I hold
That they've carved the course and carried me--all along--wherever they go

These feelings inside--subtly clenching at the reigns
Again won't let the love or the joy get near
I missed it when it wasn't here, it came, and now it is gone
I am now staring at the darkest of my fears

These feelings inside--they turn the day into night
Things were brighter and were better once upon a time
I can scream into the void and I can scream at the sky
I have finally realized that the truth I knew was always a lie

These feelings inside--stubborn as I mourn in the dark
Crying for the death of this place
Made of stone, but intricate and absent of thought
I've always felt so lost in this cold

These feelings inside--blocking old memories
I call out for an angel, someone who knows the real me
Dead for the last time--I condemn all these feelings inside
I want the reigns, I want the right, to burn it all down

These feelings inside.

New Blog

I am starting a new blog at: https://letmeberachel.blogspot.com/

BUT...

This blog will continue on and will be used and posted to just as often as it always has been, as it is now linked and administrated using my newer Google account. However I felt inclined to start a new blog that originated from my new Google account as well--one dedicated to the person I am becoming, and one that maybe down the line will become my sole blog when I am ready,

Irredeemable

Can you see me? You shouldn't see me

It's so easy to believe in null

I believe in null

All attention--misdirected

Bled of value

I just sit and rot

And she loves me not

Old wounds bleed on

As fools press on

The road is narrow--This time is borrowed

I know the ending and there's no surprise

All that's living dies

I cannot be saved--My soul is depraved

Inside of this heart is a big black hole

And it swallows souls

Old wounds bleed on

As fools press on

There's no light down this road

In the darkness we divide

Peace has long been absent

Bathe in these eyes--Can you see?

Can you see me? You shouldn't see me

Can you see me?

I believe in null

Old wounds bleed on

As fools press on

Old wounds bleed on

No, I can't go on!

Terminally Ill

On the day I finally uttered to myself that I knew it
On the day I finally realized that everything was made of shit
On the day I decided it's time to go
On the day I realized nowhere was home!!!

Today was the day, yeah
I searched all over
Today was the day, yeah
I searched all over

So, I will if you don't and I'm never trying again
And I will if you don't so don't ever bother again

Fuck off--this is my goodbye
This is my goodbye
I know it's rude
So fuck off--this is my goodbye
This is my goodbye
I know it's rude

On the day I realized I was terminally ill
On the day this painful ride lost it's sickly thrill--my bones chilled
On the day I realized I have a toxic mind
Can't be kind and can't rewind!!!

Today is that day, yeah
I searched all over
Today was the day, yeah
I searched all over

So, I will if you don't and I'm never trying again
And I will if you don't so don't ever bother again

Fuck off--this is my goodbye
This is my goodbye
I know it's rude
So fuck off--this is my goodbye
This is my goodbye
I know I'm crude

I knew it--when I was born--that I shouldn't of been
I said I will--if you don't--so, can we never do this again?

Fuck off--this is my goodbye
This is my goodbye
I know it's rude
So fuck off--this is my goodbye
This is my goodbye
I know it's rude

I tried it before and I don't want to again

Fuck off--this is my goodbye
This is my goodbye
I know it's rude
So fuck off--this is my goodbye
This is my goodbye
I know it's rude

Fuck off--this is my goodbye
This is my goodbye
I know it's rude
So fuck off--this is my goodbye
This is my goodbye
This is my goodbye
This is my goodbye!!!